Anxiety!!!! Something I never had till I got pregnant. You feel anxious, nervous, sweaty and shaky. A million things run through your head about everything ! Life, your spouse, work, friends, you’re doing too much or you’re not doing enough. Life … is… hard and I know we can all agree with that. Anxiety makes you feel where you’re alone and have no support or just need to be held but no one to do the holding. It’s buying essential oils you don’t even like but you want to feel better, it’s getting put in anti depressants but hate knowing you need something just to feel normal. I get so bad to where I never want to leave the house because large groups of people make me uncomfortable. If you knew me, you would laugh at that statement. I’ve always been so outgoing and talkative and can befriend just about anyone. I was a server for 7 years, so talking to strangers was completely normal to me. But since I had my son and went to a new country and then another new state, makes me feel out of place and not myself with no one. Yes I have my husband, but I feel like he just doesn’t get it. Being in the military and traveling is normal to him and new to me. I wonder if I’ll ever be the same again or just have this constant fear of everything
Good morning, I’m writing this as I’m dwelling on going back to work after being with my son for 19 months. I never thought in a million years I would feel so strong about another human being. I now understand when people say “there’s nothing like a mothers love “. When my husband and I found out we were pregnant, it was a huge shock; more so because I tried to donate my eggs in 2015 and I was told I wasn’t fertile. When we found out, the time was not right because we are a military family and my husband was going to South Korea for a year. We made the decision I would stay in the states while he goes for the year but quickly realized that wasn’t going to work. I didn’t want to be without my husband and I know for my husband, being gone for 7 months of your first child life wasn’t something ideal. Yes, I know military families do it all the time but this time I had an option to go and so I took it.
We get to Korea and I have 4 months till I’m due. I’m stressed, depressed before I left everything I’ve ever known to go to a country where I know nothing and no one, so the first few months weren’t exactly happy times but I tried to stay positive. It wasn’t until after I gave birth I met my first friend and then second and then third and next thing you know, you’re gone and off to another place where you have to start all over again. During my rough times, I always had to stay positive and happy for my son, he is what made me strong and want to keep going, he is my comfort, my person, my best friend.
Now we are getting to the point where my husband, yes my husband feels I should get back to work because he feel like I would be a happier person. And let’s face it; the extra cash doesn’t hurt either. But the thought of leaving my son with a stranger to raise during the day is what really hurts me. I’m mentally not ready to be separated from my son, I’m just not. I know I’m an adult, parents do it all over the world, and contributing would be great too. At the end of the day though, we would all love to stay home with our babies. I know he will be okay and I will most likely cry more than him but it still makes me so incredibly sad and my husband just doesn’t understand my feelings. He went back to work after two weeks, so it’s easier for him. If my husband was to stay home with him and I went to work, I would be totally fine because he’s with his dad.
I have 10 mins before I have to leave to go for an interview and my anxiety is hitting hard. I wish I had more support and friends but currently I don’t in our new state so it’s been extra hard. To all the parents going back to work, does it get easier !? I’ve tried to look at jobs online for stay at home moms and most seem impossible or you have no chance of even being considered. Words of encouragement will help me